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Madame Web (2024)

 

Madame Web is an adaptation of a comic book character. The movie is very loosely based on a Spider-Man heroine but lacks everything that made the comic book character acceptable. 

The director S.J. Clarkson is probably best known for having her unaired pilot rejected by HBO for the Game of Thrones prequel. She was coached directing through many TV shows only being given one episode for many of the projects she worked on. 

Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless are known for horrible to barely okay movies: Morbius, Gods of Egypt, Power Rangers, the failed reboot of Lost in Space, and The Last Witch Hunter. Madame Web was okay for five minutes before I burst out laughing from the cringe. There are logical inconsistencies, boring dialogue, and a lack of meaningful character development. "Am I on the right train?" should become a meme.

Dakota Johnson's delivery of many lines was so bad that they had to be dubbed in and conveniently had the shot changed. She performed better in Bad Times at the El Royale and Fifty Shades of Grey but that's not saying much. Watching Johnson perform and teaching chest compressions was quite funny though.

Hollywood really wants you to know that Sydney Sweeney is in the film. She's twenty-six and plays a teenager which is hilarious. She's been in a lot of stuff lately and none of it has been really that impressive. I don't know anyone who went to see Anyone But You, and after the horrible recommendation that I watch Euphoria I need to see Sweeney do more than just be a model.

The movie is worse than I heard or expected. It's worse than The Marvels which was last year's girlboss team-up movie. Want to see a good example of lady-team-up look for Pitch Perfect, Mean Girls, Charlie's Angels (2000), and A League of Their Own. Result: D-

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